


8,760 hours

by nsofties



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Christmas, M/M, Post-Break Up, renjun makes a very brief appearance as the barista
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 15:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16875564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nsofties/pseuds/nsofties
Summary: Jaemin waits ten hours that day. In total, he’s waited 8,760 hours. A year. Jaemin thinks that, no matter what, he’ll keep waiting.





	8,760 hours

Jaemin feels stupid. He thinks that he probably  _ looks _ stupid, too. He’s still sitting at the stupid fucking table in the stupid fucking cafe with the stupid fucking hope that  _ he _ would still show up. Jaemin fucking hates Christmas.The barista pointedly keeps his eyes trained on the register as he waits for customers that probably won’t show up. It’s eleven at night on Christmas. Jaemin knows that waiting ten hours in the same seat for someone who’s never going to show up is fucking stupid, but he doesn’t care.

Christmas used to be his favorite holiday. It was even his favorite day of the year for four -  _ almost five _ , he thinks bitterly - years. Every year, Christmas was something new. It was shining, welcoming, warm. It  _ was _ . Now Christmas is cold - Christmas is his least favorite holiday. Every Christmas, the poor barista, Renjun, used to watch Jaemin walk in with a bright smile, loud laugh, shining eyes. The past two - including this one - Renjun has had to watch Jaemin sit at  _ their _ old table, dejected, hands wrapped around an iced Americano with too many shots of espresso.

Jaemin knows the cafe is technically closed and that Renjun is just waiting for him to leave. He always  _ was _ too nice to them, letting them sit in the cafe together until just a little past closing. He’s still too nice, letting Jaemin sit at this table for ten hours without moving. Suddenly, Jaemin stands, the loud noise of the chair scraping against the floor causing a reaction from Renjun, who knocks over the pyramid of paper cups he had made.

“I’m sorry. Thank you.” Jaemin pauses, before picking up his Americano and walking out the front door.

* * *

Their first Christmas together is Jaemin’s favorite memory. The cafe was already a place familiar to the two of them, but something about the Christmas decorations placed neatly throughout the building and music playing softly in the background made everything feel brand new. This was the only year that their Christmas didn’t start in the cafe - Mark had woken him at five in the morning to homemade hot chocolate, pancakes, and eggs. Jaemin was never a morning person but, for Mark, he was.

That would’ve been enough for him - breakfast in bed and a day of watching movies. And, for a moment, as they watched Elf with Korean subtitles, Mark always a half-a-second faster reacting to jokes, Jaemin thought that it was enough. That just being beside him was enough. (Jaemin thinks for a moment that it still  _ is _ enough - that it still would be enough, and then stops himself.) But as the end-credits began to scroll on the screen, Mark had flung the blanket off of them and, eyes shining, had pulling Jaemin out of bed.

That was the first time Jaemin had  _ ever _ gone ice skating. It was obvious from the way his hands frantically gripped to Mark’s, feet hesitant to move. Mark pulled him in circles around the rink, Jaemin’s laugh a mixture of fear and pure, childlike joy. Jaemin remembers this day vividly - the terror and the feeling of  _ being alive _ that bloomed in his chest as Mark looked him in the eyes and promised that he wouldn’t let him fall. And, if he did fall, he wouldn’t fall alone. (Jaemin thinks for a moment that this was a lie, but he stops before he can think about that anymore.) An hour later Mark had thrown the first snowball and when they walked into the cafe, their noses were bright red and Jaemin was sniffing every other second at the table as Mark got them both hot chocolate.

Jaemin complained, as he always did, about Mark not letting him have coffee, petulantly blocking out his arguments about how too much caffeine was bad for him and instead pouting and pointedly focusing anywhere  _ but _ the young man sitting across from him. Their day ended in the cafe as it always did - Mark telling terrible jokes and Jaemin laughing because it’s  _ Mark _ \- everything Mark did had this inexplicable ability to bloom happiness in Jaemin’s chest. The cafe closed when they left, bright Christmas lights greeting them.

Jaemin never wanted the night to end.

* * *

 

Their second, third, and fourth Christmases together were  _ perfectly _ mundane. After both of them were bedridden after last Christmas, Jaemin had assured Mark that a normal day was a perfect day. It had taken Jaemin the three weeks leading up to Christmas to convince Mark that a late morning watching Christmas movies and a day at their favorite cafe was  _ enough _ . Mark wasn’t convinced until Jaemin mentioned how he wasn’t able to talk for four days after last Christmas, leaving the world  _ utterly devoid _ of his  _ hilarious jokes _ . Jaemin would check his phone whenever the cold medicine began to wear off to tens of poorly-written jokes from Mark. He would laugh until he coughed, his eyes bright. Mark, to Jaemin, was a light in his life, no matter the circumstances, bad jokes be damned.

There was something about the laid-back air of their Christmases that convinced Jaemin that everything was working well. That they had reached a good point in their relationship. That everything was…  _ good _ . Better than good, if he let himself be honest. Mark made them watch Elf - it was like  _ his thing _ on Christmas. And, as always, Jaemin would laugh a beat too late, but he would never care. The way that Mark looked at Jaemin when he laughed, with stars in his eyes… To Jaemin, in those moments, nothing else would matter.

Their days would finally begin at their cafe in the afternoon, the sun already having reached its peak in the sky and getting ready to set. Jaemin would do anything to go back to that - sitting in the cafe, talking about their day, Mark telling bad jokes and Jaemin laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world. (Years later, they still are. Jaemin would give up his world to hear Mark’s jokes one more time.) They would leave the cafe and the Christmas lights would greet them. Jaemin loved those lights. Loves those lights. Wishes they were still magical.

* * *

Jaemin still isn’t sure if he remembers their almost-fifth Christmas together correctly. It started normally and Jaemin felt - Jaemin was  _ sure _ that it was normal. And that’s all he wanted. A normal Christmas. He wonders if he should’ve seen it coming. Should’ve known that the past five years were going to come to an end. Many things go through his mind when he thinks of that day. Jaemin wonders what he could’ve done better, what he did wrong -  _ if  _ he did anything wrong. Everything seemed…  _ normal _ . He wonders if that’s why he didn’t notice.

That he didn’t notice the way Mark shifted uncomfortably in the cafe seat that he could usually sit in for hours. He didn’t notice the way that Mark wouldn’t meet his eyes when he laughed. Mark always used to tell Jaemin that his laugh made him feel happy. Jaemin would laugh and say,  _ of course _ , that’s what laughter is  _ supposed _ to do, and Mark would shake his head and say, “It’s hard to explain.”

He should’ve realized it from the way that Mark finished his coffee quickly and held his hand. The way that Mark looked him in the eyes for the first time that night. The way that Mark said, “This… is going to end.” Or, that’s what Jaemin  _ thinks _ he said. A lot of that night is fuzzy. Small details - Jaemin remembers the small details, but he still can’t remember what exactly Mark said. He thinks that it’s better that way - that maybe it’ll stop hurting sooner since he can’t remember. That he doesn’t want to remember.

He wonders, now, why he couldn’t have waited. Why they had to break up on  _ Christmas _ of all times. His life isn’t - he doesn’t want it to be - a Hallmark movie. Jaemin would’ve preferred his own birthday over Christmas. He loves -  _ loved _ Christmas. It was his favorite. A tiny part of him hopes that one day in the future, he’ll learn to love it again. But, it’s only been a year, he reminds himself. It’s okay to hate it still. He tells himself that it’s also okay to hope that fate will bring them back together again. A tiny voice tells him that he should stop hoping and perhaps to start moving on. But, it’s okay, he thinks. It’s okay to still hope to meet Mark again.

Jaemin hopes that wherever Mark is, he’s happy. And he hopes that he comes back to him. It’s been 8,760 hours. He thinks he can wait a little longer.

**Author's Note:**

> this was! very clearly not proof-read, and i just kind of wanted to post this... it's rambling and not the best and not very long and i'm especially sorry for making jaemin sad. :( if you enjoyed this, thank you for reading! ♡


End file.
